I have been told by several people that read my blog that it appears that Charli's adjustment has gone completely smoothly. In many ways Charli's transition has gone incredibly smoothly and Phil and I agree that adjustment and attachment were easier for Charli than for Ellie who came home at 9 months old. I do admit however that I have left out of the blog some of the difficulties that we have been having this summer. It hasn't all been easy but bringing home our newly born children wasn't easy either. I have said it before and I will say it again...adoption is not for wimps.
Charli's first struggle was grief. She missed her foster family terribly. She had spent two years with them and certainly did not understand why they would have handed her off to us. She would cry out for her Omma in Korea. The grief cry is unlike any cry I had ever heard before. It would come over her any time of the day or night and you would know it was grief because it was heart wrenching mournful cry and she would cry huge crocodile tears. I have grieved myself and been around many others who were grieving some loss and never before has someone elses' grief been so palpable. She took little comfort from us during these grieving sessions and it was painful to watch. Combine her grief with jet lag and the first week or two were pretty rocky. Let's just say Phil and I slept very little.
Sleep has continued to be difficult for Charli. She has a hard time falling asleep for naps and at night. Some times we start her bedtime at 7:30 and it is after 10:00 before she is sleeping. We lay next to her as her foster family did but up until recently she didn't want us to hold her or rock her or rub her back or in any way aid sleep. She tosses and turns and we know she is very tired but sleep eludes her. A few weeks ago our pediatrician told us we could give her melatonin. This has helped a TON. She now takes about 30 minutes to an hour to fall asleep. Her bonding to us is moving forward and she is becoming more willing to let us rub her back or snuggle her to help her fall asleep. She is still sleeping on a mattress beside our bed but we are just happy that falling asleep is moving in the right direction now.
Unfortunately falling asleep is not her only sleep struggle. When she does get to sleep Charli suffers from night terrors. Imagine for a minute being sound asleep and waking to the most blood curdling scream you have ever heard outside a showing of The Exorcist. You realize it is coming from the floor beside your bed where your tiny new daughter is sleeping. She is writhing on the bed and screaming as if Satan himself is after her. You attempt to comfort her but any attempt at touching or speaking to her makes the screaming worse. Some times her eyes are closed and sometimes they are open but she looks through you as if you aren't there. At some point you realize that she isn't even awake. There is nothing to do but stay close, make sure she doesn't get hurt and wait for the screaming to stop. In Charli's case after 10 to 30 minutes she wets the bed and that wakes her. We then change her clothes and sheets and attempt to put her back to sleep. She usually falls quickly back to sleep. The freaked out parents take longer to drift off again. We've been told that there really is nothing to do for the night terrors. If they take on a pattern of happening at the same time each night we could wake her 15 minutes before to prevent the night terror but so far Charli's night terrors have no predictable pattern. We hope that as she feels more safe and secure here and that the trauma of being separated from her foster family in Korean gets more distant the night terrors will cease.
I hope this doesn't scare anyone off from adopting children. Adoption is an amazingly wonderful way to grow a family. And Charli is delightful, we wouldn't wish her away ever. Adoption, like the rest of life is messy and definitely not for wimps.
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